momma

my momma is here. 

I love her just being here. 

Her  presence alone makes me feel warm and cozy.

I love drinking coffee together.

At Barnes and Noble. 

We used to sip our yummy concoctions and indulge in a decedent treat. 

Now that I am gluten, caffeine and sugar free, we sip our plain coffees and skip the dessert....

....come on B&N get on the ball! 

rabbit trail .....sorry.... :o) where were we. Oh yeah.......

B&N, sipping coffee.

Sitting in the café. 

Looking through books and and magazines. 

Chatting occasionally.

Mostly just being together in that comfortable silence. 

One of my fav things I’ve recently discovered that I love is to watch a movie with her. 

Just us.

Especially a romantic comedy. 

Hearing her laugh out loud.

I lay in my bed and she sits beside me holding my hand. 

There is not much better than that. 

Now on the subject of hearing her laugh.

My mom laughs a lot. 

But it takes a lot to make her laugh out loud. 

Mostly she laughs softly to herself. 

So when I can contribute to the sweet sound of her laughing aloud - that makes me so happy.

Our relationship is far from perfect.

Lest you begin to think this a fairy tale..........

Although we have worked many years learning to understand one another.

There are the bad times.

The times like yesterday morning. 

When all was chaos.

My mom was on an important call.

The kids were all over me. 

I was on my IV, and I yelled “I CAN’T DO THIS!!!!”

Followed by slamming doors.

Lots of crying. 

Chaos was finally contained.

Lots more crying.

I finally admitted, “I’m really mad at you.”

Her response,  “I completely understand.” 

All ending with hugs and resolutions. 

Because we have worked hard to understand. 

My momma leaves today.

I can hardly bear the thought of it.

It’s not just about being right beside her.

It is merely her presence. 

Hearing her putter in the kitchen.

Smelling her scent as she walks by. 

The whisper of her nightgown. 

The way the kiddos love on her.

The way I feel knowing she is asleep just upstairs. 

And now that that presence is gone.......

I feel a little lost.